Haiiii... It's been awhile...

March, 25th 2020.

I haven't written anything here.
What's going on with the world?
It's so sad here. Covid-19 is everywhere. It is a pandemic that hit all around the world.
We are so scared. Everyone is frightened and afraid of that disease.
Me? Actually me, too.

What I have seen through this,
Is it because God mad at us?
Or because God misses us?

We are too busy with ourselves to earn money, to have life with our work and family and friends. In certain time, we needed a quiet time with Him, to pray and worship Him.
What does it feel being sick with the corona?
I can't even imagine it. But happened in Indonesia is there are more than 790 people got infected to this virus.


Every fear needs to be thrown away by our pray, not by our money that makes us panic buying


In the end of the day,

All hands will raise to God, Jesus Christ.
Every single person with their mouth will shout to the Lord, to seek forgiveness and mercy.
Every eye will see Your Greatness over this world.
Since we need Jesus more than anything in this world.

God bless Indonesia, God bless the world. :)

One more time

what is there is a "one more time" chance for me crossing your mind?
what if there is an opportunity to me, to talk to you like the first time?
what if there would be me and you as a couple of stranger meeting and say hello?
what if everything can be turned like in the first place?
what would you say?
what would I say?

there is always a time for me to think, if I could hold your hand for one more time, I would never release it. Never. Since holding your hand is like giving my breath back in my miserable nightmare.
yup..  it seems like..
there is something that always brings me back to you...

If I had a chance to be in that moment again, I would say "hello" and tell "see you when I see you"

Which means, I would never expect another meeting to see you.

huft.

dream.

What if you meet someone who ain't existed anymore in your life? I mean, I  ain't talking about death, it is about somebody who already left you and then you met again?

Me? I didn’t. But I met him (after he left) twice in my dream. It was like.... so real. How come I can see his smile so real. He cant stop smiling while talking. I didn't hear anything from him, I just enjoyed mute-talking with him. How was the end? Again. It was like no saying goodbye. The dream stopped, and I woke up.

Was it something like a sign? Or was it just a dream? I thought, it was just a dream. Well, I don’t expect to meet him anymore. Please. 


(This text was originally written on July, 30th 2017. LOL. Then I saved to draft. OMG. LOLOLOLOL. THAT WAS WHY I HAD A DREAM OF MEETING HIM TWICE..... YEAH... I MET HIM FOR THE LAST TIME IN THE LAST YEAR.... TWICE. LOL. OMG, I decided to post this.) 

meeting(s).. for the very last time.

On the last Dec 30th 2017 was my unexpected time ever.. that was surprising me for sure.

The place was the the first place we met in 2012. I dunno why, I was recalling the very first moment after the Sunday service finished. I walked out, he walked out. He stood in front of the door while I was standing right in front of him around 2 meters, we were not introducing each other since there were so many people around us. But that moment led me to recognize his face until I met him for the next step.

Well, On the Dec 30, I was walking in to attend the Christmas celebration which actually HE WAS THERE! SHIT! WHAT THE.....

There was an unexpected moment, dude!

I freeze for a second, then we shake hand for... it was like for the first time as two strangers (again) met for (also) the very first time.

Since January 2016, I had expected to have the last meeting with him, but I never had even one single chance. I had prayed to God, I really wanted to meet him for the very last time, tough I had no feeling to him anymore.

On the last day of 2017, Dec 31st 2017, was the very last time I met him in the church. I said to God "That was more than enough, God. thank you." Two meetings for the very last chance was really unexpected and........weird.

Been looking for the perfect guy, but.. there will never exist.

I have been looking for a perfect man who will spend the rest of his time with me... but sad to say that they are not even existed. HUFT.

I'm telling you, what if you have a man who....

-will grow old together with Christ

-loves God as he would love his wife

- never lie to his wife

-good mental & spiritual, being afraid of God, stay faithful to God, keep praying everyday, reading Bible everyday

-good physical, such as do daily exercise, no smoking, having healthy food

- respect to his wife's family, relatives

- not being selfish, not having high tempered, not having bad habit, such as drugs or drunk

-love the Children, taking care of children, be bare of Children, stay calm while dealing with children

-Good role model as a Father

-etc.

SHIT. These are only on my imagination. These men are not even created since Adam and Eve were living. So wake up ladies, your and my dream man will never be coming perfectly true. 

Even if we try our best so hard to change our habit to be a better person.. (they said)... it is still.. never be coming true. 

I've been meeting someone, recently, a man, somebody had introduced me this guy. I thought he was really perfect. Yes. He was really kind, generous, humble, and... perfect. Almost close to these kind of characteristics.. yet.. I don't know.. I found that he was actually similar like other man with shit personality..  Damn!

Have you?

    "Have you ever missed someone who wasn't existed in your life anymore?"

and when it comes, you are totally SUCK!  

Getting back after a long recovery.... yes very long recovery-healing time!

Hi there, what's up?

I'd been busy all these days. Busy with college and works stuffs. Of course college and work, nothing else. Ha ha ha...

No getting involved in any kind confusing relationship (for now) FOR I AM SO MUCH ENJOYING MY SINGLE TIME AS FUCK! DAMNLOL I mean it btw.

Anyway, talking about single, I am serious, I've never been in this situation where I really enjoy myself with my own companion. YES, damnhell! I am with nobody! :)
Before, I was really scared of being alone, and it was really frightened, you know!!

For I so much realize when I, later on, get married, establish a fucking family, I WILL NEVER BE SINGLE anymore.

Well. In your Single timem you can do everything you want without someone overreacted looking for you many times, or maybe going crazy because you need to check your fucking phone for every 5 minutes, or give your precious rest time to hang around with your lover, even you can't do some worthy things, such as SLEEPING! LOL

Overall, I gave thank to God, it is because of Him I can pass through that hard times. I can do my recovery and healing "inner healing" actually. I almost took 1 year.

On the last December, 2016, I found myself throwing back of my last Dec 2015, some remindings which brought me to remember everything. BUT it was really helpful because I realize from Dec 2015 I actually needed "break up" with the "him" but it happened in the last Jan 2016. OMG lol

Well my story looks so damn curcol and complex..... complicated... and weird.

In the end, Thank God, you already make my life so much beautiful. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CHEER MY LIFE UP. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH :) 😀😊💓